Photo: Amy Bell, Studio Bella Photo and Design
Amy Bell, Studio Bella Photo and Design
Just in Arkansas alone, there are around 600 kids whose parents’ rights were taken away for various reasons. Some people are afraid to foster, because they believe that you have to make visits with their biological families or the kids could — at any moment — get taken from your home. But there are so many kids whose parents’ rights have already been relinquished and they’re just waiting to get adopted.
After we had taken classes and gone through training, John and I were first matched with a 2-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl, who we then adopted. Later, I started thinking about the needs of teenagers. So many families are afraid to adopt teens and sibling groups from foster care because they assume they will be a lot of trouble or that they’ll run away. Since we already had the experience of raising teenagers, my husband and I decided to adopt two groups of siblings. We knew it was going to be hard but we wanted to give these kids a chance and welcome them into our home.
Our first two adopted siblings both had speech issues and needed occupational and physical therapy as a result of the environment they were being raised in previously. They had a lot of trauma to work through so they were learning basic skills like riding a tricycle and how to feed themselves — that type of stuff. But then we started them in trauma therapy to help them deal with their emotions. We know that all kids get angry from time to time but we wanted to help our kids deal with triggers they developed from their past. We found a child trauma specialist in Little Rock and took them once a week for a couple of years.
Although it hasn’t been easy finding different specialists and driving everyone to their appointments, it’s been so worth it because I want my kids to start healing before they turn 18 and they have to live on their own. It’s tough to learn how to deal with life, so we want to do as much as we can to help them while they’re young. I took my experiences and wrote a book calledCalming Angry Kidsso people could learn about my kids’ transformations and what it took to get them to where they are today. A lot of what I’ve written in the book is also about how I believe therapy helped them learn how to be calm in stressful situations.
How did your upbringing influence your parenting style?My mom was very involved in my life. Even though I didn’t know my biological dad until I was an adult and my stepdad was very distant, my mom was always there to support me. She was that mom who was always volunteering at our school and showing up to my games when I was a cheerleader. Her efforts helped me see how different life could be when you have an involved parent. That’s why homeschooling became so important to me. I wanted to focus on my kids’ character and internal motivation, too. It’s a hard world out there, and my kids will soon be adults who need to know how to navigate it well.
What’s your favorite thing about parenting?To be honest, road trips and board games! I love opening up the world to these kids. One highlight was seeing our four teenage daughters burst into tears when they got out of our van and saw Mount Rushmore. They were in foster care for eight years and didn’t think they’d get a family, let alone be able to travel like that.
What’s the hardest thing about parenting?There are many things that make having a big family challenging — the cooking, messes, and all the activities — but I realized that the hardest part was dealing with the grumbling. Life would be so much easier if no one complained. John and I suggested a “grumble-free” challenge to our kids and promised a family cruise if we worked on learning to be grateful without grumbling. We had many failures, but many successes, too. I realized that our efforts were paying off after standing 10 hours in a line at Build-a-Bear, only to have the people right in front of us receive the last stuffed bears! We were able to turn our disappointment into humor. We learned that grumbling is really a lack-of-gratitude issue, and every day we work at trying to be more grateful. I’ve also been able to take this experience and write about it in my new book,The Grumble Free Year.
With the holidays coming up, what are traditions that are meaningful to your family?We love the holidays because we love spending time together as a family. We love decorating our tree together and we have a tradition of reading the Christmas story from the Book of Luke every Christmas morning with the kids. I also help out a teen mom support group; every year, we’ll do a Christmas program for them. We’ll pick a teen mom’s name and her child (or children) and go shopping for them and help prepare gifts.
What’s the best advice you can share with new parents?Live the type of life that you want your kids to duplicate. You cantellthem how to act, and you might have some success with that, butshowingthem will go much further.
What would you want your kids to say about you as a parent?As a former teen mom who has now written over 70 books, I would want my kids to say, “If mom can do it, I can do it too.”
source: people.com
