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Valentine’s, Galentine’s or Singles Awareness Day: there are a few days in February where it can feel really difficult to be on your own.
PEOPLE spoke with Lane Moore, author ofHow to Be Alone: If You Want To, And Even If You Don’tand host of theTinder Liveshow, about how to spend Valentine’s Day — a holiday that is usually all about being a couple — on your own. Whether you find yourself newly single or you’ve been perpetually swiping on dating apps, here’s Moore’s advice for not just surviving the holiday, but thriving beyond it.
DO: Acknowledge that Valentine’s Day is a little silly.
“I think that there’s a rise in consciousness that, out of all the holidays, [Valentine’s Day] is so ridiculous,” Moore jokes of Valentine’s Day, adding that amid the pandemic and lack of any real dating scene, it feels even more nonsensical than usual.
When you shift that narrative, it becomes easier to recognize that you’re enough on your own, Moore says. “Valentine’s Day can be a day when you take care of yourself and honor how wonderful you are — you’re enough on your own. You don’t need another person to be good enough, especially on one pointless day.”
DO: Do the thingyouwant to do.
“We have so many obligations all of the time of what we should do, what we have to do, things we don’t want to do,” Moore says, explaining that Valentine’s Day is “a great day to ask yourself, ‘What would I like to do today?’ because that’s probably what you would do with a partner anyway. You would do all the things that make you really happy. Whether that’s doing nothing or something, that’s up to you.”
Moore adds, “Remember: All the things you’d like to do with your perfect partner, you can do those things with yourself.”
DON’T: Close yourself off while you’re out on your own.
DO: Be alone, but together. Plan a get-together with your other friends who are spending the holiday alone (either virtually or in-person).
“Before the Internet you felt like you were the only one having this feeling [of loneliness] and that you were the only one in the world like this,” Moore says, adding that the past few years have made us all more open to meeting online and finding people who feel the same way. Moore often hosts livestreams on holidays, inviting others to join if they’re also alone, and there’s nothing stopping you from also video chatting with your pals, or attending virtual shows.
“There’s something really important about engaging with people — even if it’s just in a virtual community — who are feeling the same way as you,” Moore says. “So much of feeling bad that you don’t have a partner is just shame. And shame can be dissolved once you see that there’s nothing wrong with you — a lot of people feel this way.”
It’s why Moore started her live comedy show,Tinder Live, which she is currently touring around the U.S. “Doing a tour and shows on Valentine’s Day was important to me because it’s when all of the shame and the beliefs that everyone is winning except for you on dating apps is at its height,” Moore explains, “and I wanted to take that and not only dissipate that but provide a show that single people can go to andlaughabout how hard it can be.”
DO: Something that makes you happy, and be open to meeting other people while you do it.
“Go do something that you really love. Go to comedy or music shows of artists that you really know and love, or a concept you really like, because oftentimes, the people going there too feel very similarly to you,” Moore says. “Odds are, you will meet friends there because you already have a shared connection.
DON’T: Try to fix your loneliness on Valentine’s Day.
Moore says that the instinct may be to “try to fix it” on Valentine’s Day. We’ve all been there: You start feeling lonely and so you open up your dating app and try to meet someone. “There’s this feeling like your homework is due. It’s like, ‘Wait a minute! I’m supposed to feel madly in love on this day!’ and then you beat yourself up about it. Just remind yourself that this isn’t anything you’ve done incorrectly.”
DON’T: Worry about what other people think of your solo outing.
Lane Moore
You can get tickets toTinder Liveon tourhere, and grab a copy ofHow To Be Alonehere. You can follow her onInstagramandTwitterat @hellolanemoore.
source: people.com
