Is this why masses watch reality television ? To gawk in wonder as other people do the goofiest things for care , like dance the quickstep while dressed in Incredibles onesies ? I guess so , because I ’ve become one of them . Just one clip of Dancing With the Stars ’ Disney Night and I ’ve become trapped in the forcefield of withered smiles and questionable costume .
Every year , ABC ’s Dancing With the Stars fully adopt its corporate synergy with a cheesy Disney - themed night , replete with dance routine set to “ popular ” Disney songs . I use cite Mark because the content pool is finger a little slender . No one wants to dance to Imagine Dragons’Ralph Breaks the Internet song . Also , this dancing is making me uncomfortable . Vanellope is a tiddler .
I ’ve never really watched Dancing With the Stars before this , but I think I ’m correct in assuming there ’s , like , dancing involved . And sometimes stars do it . Apparently , someone from the Harry Potter movies is on the show this time of year , but I did n’t see her . Harry Potter is n’t a Disney property , so maybe they pass up to let her on the degree or something .
What else was there ? football game player DeMarcus Mare playedHerculesand it made sensory faculty because he could plunk someone up . Gymnast Mary Lou Retton wasMulanbecause why not make us uncomfortable by having a white fair sex wreak an Asiatic type on degree . Oh , and there was a tangle terpsichore to “ When Will My Life Begin , ” where Rapunzel and Flynn Rider James Bond over one of those wine-coloured painting classes . Oh hey , there ’s that young woman from Harry Potter . Expellipaintbrush !
That ’s not even getting into the Disney routines for spin - off show Dancing With the Stars Junior , which I wo n’t make play of because they ’re kids and lifetime will opt whether to make play of them later for this . Though I do want you to enjoy this shot of two slowly dying minor frequent your nightmare for years to do .
But really , the crowning achievement — really , what we ’re all here for — is Disney Channel ’s Zombies role player Milo Manheim and Witney Carson essay to do aquickstep to The Incredibles . Everything about it fails . Spectacularly . The awkward zipline arrival , the even - awkwarder dance fighting , the random children that show up near the end to do nothing except live . I ca n’t reckon forth from that damnYouTube magazine , even though everything is telling me to .
Though , let ’s be honest , it can never obtain a handle to the true Disney Star that America will be Dancing With for the rest of clock time : Pinocchio . This dance from a previous time of year of Dancing With The Stars , starring The Bachelor ’s Nick Viall , will never not exist . And I ca n’t distinguish you how much that means to me .
Folks , I might be a Dancing With the Stars lover now . It ’s stupid and I know it , but dammit I do n’t care . It ’s a railcar crash of well-chosen - present human hurt that I ca n’t await away from . Beautiful in its misery , secure in its cocoon of fancy innocent . I ’ve cause no strand to carry me down . I ’ve got no self-worth on me .
Walt Disney
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